In response to the new Facebook guidelines, I hereby declare that I am the Empress of the planet Xandor, for life, none shall usurp my authority! Upon this authority, I unequivocally restrict the right of Excalbians, Sith Lords or right-wing extremists in Facebook’s employ to deploy any sort of experiments, drone spies or daleks on my person or any of my intellectual property.
Should I become involved in a copyright dispute with the United Federation of Planets, the Republic or the Galactic Empire, I expect my Facebook friends to transport via Tardis, wormhole or otherwise phase in immediately to my aid, crossing asteroid belts, galaxies near and far, abandoning their work, their play, their families and their alien love triangles without a moment’s pause.
Feel free to copy and paste this as your status as it will place you under the protection of the Xandorian legal staff currently operating from the Crater of Despair where they are nibbled on regularly by killer bunnies. As an added bonus, poetry spewing Vogons will explain to you (after an application in triplicate that was sent back through time) that a status update has roughly zero legal effect on Facebook or anyone else who messes with your data; so perhaps you should consider a return to a paper diary with a little lock and key. If you choose to bare your soul and tell us all your secrets and foibles on your Facebook status, too bad – so sad – quit whining and furthermore don’t believe everything you hear on the interweb (it’s a trap!). The choice is yours my fellow space truckers.
(Absconded & revamped for my own evil purposes from Bobby Gee and James Birthrong’s statuses without their permission because I can!)
