Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
Starring:
| Lorenzo Lamas | … | Allan Baxter <-- as the corrupt & gutless government guy | |
| Deborah Gibson | … | Emma MacNeil <-- (yes, that's Debbie Gibson of 80's pop fame) as the HeroineAmerican Oceanographer | |
| Vic Chao | … | Dr. Seiji Shimada <-- as the HeroOceanographer from Tokyo | |
| Sean Lawlor | … | Lamar Sanders <-- as the Professor who brings our Hero and Heroine together |
Plot: Prehistoric sea creatures frozen while locked in battle millions of years ago are released from their icy tomb by an illegal sonar device test perpetrated by the US military. Chaos ensues…
Emma, a rogue oceanographer chasing some whales in a ‘borrowed’ mini-sub, inadvertently stumbles into the test area of a LFAS (Low Frequency Active Sonar) test. Just before bailing from the massive destruction caused by the sonar she thinks she’s sees ‘something’ in the ice.
Fast-forward to an offshore oil rig near Tokyo that gets pulled under by the… dum, dum, dum… Giant Octopus! The sole-survivor of which is interviewed by our hero, Dr. Shimada.
Now cut to a jumbo jet that is coming in for a landing over the San Fransisco Bay that literally gets chomped out of the sky our larger than life friend, Mega Shark!
Enter our heroine… Emma’s boss wants her to look at a dead beached whale that has unusual wounds… ‘obviously caused by the rotor of a ship’. When she suggests otherwise she’s ushered off the scene but sneaks back in later to ‘borrow’ a piece of evidence.
Evidence which she shares with our friend the Professor. It turns out to be a shard of a megalodon (Giant Shark). Scientifically speaking, I think the movie version of this very real creature was exaggerated size-wise tenfold plus some.
It’s at this point that Dr. Shimada calls the Professor for some advice. Now our trio is working together to solve the mystery. Just about the time they are on to something the military breaks in and essentially kidnaps them into service for the government. Lorenzo Lamas plays a total weasel, in current day politics he definitely would have been part of the Bush Administration.
So they plan to create a lure to entice the creatures into a trap where they can be ‘disposed’ of. Enter cheesy love-story sub-plot between Emma and Dr. Shimada with a totally imaginary sex scene (you don’t actually see anything) in the utility room. Their even cheesier pillow-talk (mop-bucket talk?) leads them to the idea of somehow using pheromones to bait the beasts.
The bait works but the military of the US and of Japan are apparently equally incompetent and miss with every shot (even with torpedoes at point-blank range). So at this point, weasel-boy Baxter suggest nukes. Emma comes up with a better plan… let the beasts finish their fight and take each other out.
This plan forges ahead and at least five subs and a destroyer are taken out in the process. Round one definitely goes to the Mega Shark who bites off one of the Giant Octo’s tentacles. In the final battle it appears that Giant Octo takes Mega Shark to the bottom of the sea but you just never know.
Emma and Dr. Shimada totally hook up after all this nonsense. But I think the funniest part was the credits…
Giant Seafood, LLC is the author of this motion picture.
LOL, now that’s funny. The movie itself was also funny if you are into total B-movie bombs. (Which I am.) So, I recommend you add this to your Monstrous Battle Collection and if you don’t have that collection you can start it with this!
Or catch it on the SyFy Channel at 9PM Eastern on August 29th.
